Last week I had two different medical procedures performed and 4 medical tests. Truth be told, I've gone through many, many procedures examining my insides since about the time I turned 19. At first, I felt betrayal of my body and fear. All the pain I felt, the time lost in preparing for procedures or recovery felt like a punishment. This message in the 40 Day May Cause Miracle Challenge couldn't come at a better time. Can our self-attack, our ego and our fears create dis-ease?
After a solid two years of pain and emergency room visits, I felt a miraculous shift. It happened when I met someone and fell in love. The pain seemed to go away almost instantly. I could flatten my feet and walk after I got out of bed (it was really painful for a while). Bleeding, bloating and aching in my abdomen ceased. It was the first time I really knew there was a connection between my vibrational energy and my body's wellness.
As time went on, illness returned. Over the years, I've volleyed back and forth between optimal health- running races and placing in the top of the pack, participating in a women's hockey team, giving birth successfully, completing many fitness programs- and being passed out with pain and bleeding heavily from my bladder or GI tract. There have been lows where I couldn't take a sip of water without labor pain.
I share all of this because I now know that essential to healing my body is turning inward and focusing on my spirit. The work I need to do most is to know when I need to rest, to love myself, and to take the time to heal whatever wounds or insecurities have grown into this illness. If, as Gabby Bernstein and A Course in Miracles is accurate, our bodies are a vehicle for spiritual learning- then I can see this as an opportunity for energetic growth.
Do you harbor guilt or resentment inside? Are you angry or jealous when you see other people's bodies? Do you feel old, ugly, out of shape? Do you wish you looked different, moved differently, fit into your clothes differently? Sure, we all do sometimes. I've learned this many times- If these old self-attacks linger too long, they can turn into something dangerous. Low level energies need to be acknowledged and released. We have to forgive ourselves for thinking we weren't good enough, pretty enough, young enough, slim enough. We need to place our attention not on the vehicle we move around this earth in, but on the core that really is us... the voice, the light, the energy, the soul, the spirit- the heart of us on the INSIDE.
As I sit here typing this, I am still recovering from my procedures. There are metal clamps holding me together on the inside- stopping a bleed that occurred when little pieces of me were removed. I don't want to keep having little pieces of my insides removed, tested, probed and pained. I want to breathe in fresh air and faith- I want to heal from the inside out. How about you?
Get ready for a week of body healing.
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